Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4) Read online

  “Tell me again what we’re killing,” I complained and watched him while I did it. He sat on the ground a foot away from me, watching his line, eyes completely focused with his elbows propped on his knees. The fishing pole rested between his legs, propped up on a stand made from a stick he found lying around. My insides quivered just looking at him. He was drool worthy. I’d hump his leg and I wasn’t just saying that. I wanted to do a lot more than that but he wanted to fish.

  “I might have over exaggerated a bit with the killing,” he replied. “But if I catch a few then they are dead because we’re gonna eat them.” I knew it.

  I nodded. “And what if you only catch one?”

  “Then we let him go.”

  I sighed, staring into the water. This was kind of peaceful and relaxing. The frog was irritating and the bugs were chirping, but if I let myself get lost in the sound and feel of it, it kind of sounded pretty. I took in a deep breath and it smelled like fish water, okay, that part was bad but I could get used to this.

  I looked back over to Ryan and lost all other thoughts. He was still completely focused on the water, oblivious to the needy, wanton woman next to him.

  “You’re distracting me, Blue,” he said without looking my way.

  I let out a breathy sigh and kept staring at him. “I’m not even doing anything.”

  “You might not be.” He finally looked at me. “But your desire is wrapping itself around my neck, pulling me in so that you don’t have to.” I had my natural ability to get wet in his presence to thank for that. He grinned like he knew I was happy about it.

  I pretended pity. “It must be horrible to taste everyone’s emotions and know what they’re thinking.” I turned toward the water. “It’s why Fear’s so good at crawling under people’s skin.”

  He was quiet for a while. “Fear’s different with you.” I tilted my head and met his intense stare. “Is it because he knew you from the past?” He waited for some sort of reaction, my stomach tensed up and I knew he probably sensed my worry. He shook his head and turned back to the water. “I’m telling you, he’s a monster and I’m a monster because I’m him, but—” he paused, wiping his hand over his mouth. “With you, I—I don’t know what you’ve done to him.”

  I scooted my legs up, placing my chin on my knees. I should tell him now, get it over with so that if he wanted to throw me into the water, he could. I glanced over at him and knew I couldn’t, though. Not when I wanted him so much. Melanie was right, I was selfish, but I already knew that.

  Thirty minutes or more ticked by when Ryan’s voice filtered through the insects. “Come here, Blue.” I perked up, lifting my head from my knees. He moved the fishing pole to his left.

  “What is it?” I asked, hopeful.

  He took one look my way and grinned because he just knew. He motioned me with his hands. “I said come here,” he said again, and I happily did as he told me to. My stomach was tight with expectancy. He wasn’t even looking at me when he added, “And leave your pants.” I don’t think I ever tore out of jeans as quickly in all my centuries.

  When I stood next to him, waiting, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto his lap, straddling his waist. My bare legs touched the damp grass the same time my panties met his hard-on, and my heart did a little happy dance that he wanted me this way, at least. I know, pathetic, right? His warm palms pressed against my back, and I hesitantly placed my arms around his neck then met his eyes.

  “So needy,” he murmured as his hand slipped underneath my shirt. Chills broke out over my skin wherever his fingers traced. He pulled at my shirt. “Off,” he ordered just as I lifted my arms. He tossed it somewhere and his head dipped into my chest. I cried out when his teeth bit into one of my nipples. I ground into him as the pressure built between my legs.

  I lifted his head back so that I could stare into his eyes. He averted his gaze and bit into my neck. I bit back my moan and ran my hands through his hair. I slipped my hands between us and started tackling his zipper with all the urgency coursing through me. “Here,” he whispered when I panted in frustration. He parted our bodies enough so that he could help me. Ryan had to wrestle with my fingers almost as much as the zipper, and the moment he freed himself from the confines of his jeans, I gripped him hard. He hissed and grabbed a handful of my hair, exposing my neck so that he can bite into it, then his hands traveled down to my ass and gripped it tightly before one of them slipped into my panties. I pressed my ass back, giving his fingers access to my needy flesh.

  He groaned when his fingers found my slick heat. I gripped his shoulders and wiggled further into his hands. He gripped my ass again, this time spreading my cheeks apart while sliding his finger over my heat. I leaned my face into his so that he’d lift his. His breath fanned my cheek before I covered it with my mouth. I kissed him, I breathed him in, all the while hoping my feelings weren’t pouring into him in the process.

  Coating his fingers with my arousal, he slid a finger against my back hole. Pleasure flowed through me in the process, but I stiffened as the unease crept in. I’d been raped anally a lot over the years, never once had it been about pleasure. He moved his mouth from mine and met my eyes. I tried to suck in all the bad emotions I was feeling so he wouldn’t sense them. He slid his finger back down into my heat as if to ease my discomfort. I relaxed somewhat but felt bad that I messed up the mood.

  He stole my lips while I was drowning in bitterness. His hands were all over me, pinching and pressing into my flesh, and soon I was back where he had me before, writhing in his arms. I stroked him hard and rough like I wanted him inside me. He pressed a finger into me and I cried out, but he muffled the sound with his mouth and tongue, invading another part of me. I brought my legs up and started lifting myself. I needed him inside me and he seemed to be in no rush.

  Then right when I was taking matters into my own hand and inches from having him inside me, he jerked to grab his pole. He held me to his right side as he jerked the pole back. “I got one hooked,” he told me with a smile. He patted a hand against my ribs like he expected me to get off him while he reeled it in… I had no intention of doing so.

  I was horny, and now pissed. Without thinking—and letting desire control me—I leaned over and yanked the pole from his hand. “What are you—” He didn’t finish the words and I chucked his pole into the weeds next to us. He let his mouth hang open as he looked at me. “Blue,” he swore as he started lifting me off him, but I held him down. I could hear the pole moving around where I had thrown it. He faced me again, only this time there was a storm in his eyes. “Damn it, you crazy woman. What the hell?”

  “Don’t ‘what the hell’ me!” I barked back, fighting to keep him on the ground. He hadn’t tried any forced yet but I knew it was only a matter of time. “We are in the middle of something. The fish can wait, but my pleasure cannot.”

  His head tipped back as he looked at me like I was insane. “We came here so I can fish and that’s what I was doing so, no. What we were doing was messing around until I got a bite.” I huffed and felt the anger cross into my cheeks. He tried to raise up from underneath me, but I still put up a fight. He gripped my shoulders and shoved me to the side. I came right back and he kept shooing me away. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing at that point.

  I ran past him for retribution and a grin so evil it’d put the Devil’s to shame. “Molly,” he cursed as I dived into the weeds to grab the pole. He was right behind me. “Oh, no you don’t!” He lunged for me and I squealed the same time I bent down and grabbed the pole. He yanked me back. I tossed the pole and he jumped to catch it. I cried in frustration when he caught it before it could greet the water like I had so desperately wanted.

  He started doing something with the pole, but my guess was the fish was long gone because his gaze turned on me—all pissed off and sexy. I swallowed and stood in place, hoping he planned to retaliate. He watched me for the longest time before he smirked and stepped out of the weeds and plopped back down on the g
round. My plan just blew up in my face.

  Bitter from rejection, I scratched at my legs and stepped out of the weeds that were making me itch. I sulked while putting my pants and shirt back on, and sat down next to him afterward because I still wanted to be next to him.

  “Is there something you wanna do?” he asked out of nowhere.

  My immediate thought was him, but I didn’t think that was the answer he was looking for so I shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “What do you do for fun?” he elaborated. Before I could say anything dirty, he added, “Besides fucking.”

  I sighed. “I don’t know.” With the look he was giving me, I felt compelled to go on, “Honestly, I don’t know. Me and fun don’t have any sort of relationship unless…”

  “Unless what?”

  I met his eyes. “You.”

  “Me?” He squinted his eyes.

  “I mean, I don’t mind arguing and fighting with you,” I said quickly, tossing my head back. “Ya know, I think I probably… have fun with you because I don’t mind what we’re doing when we’re together, I just feel good.” His gaze could have swallowed me whole. I couldn’t believe I admitted to something like that. I turned my head and concentrated on the water.

  He snorted and I looked back over at him. “Are you trying to be nice after you tried to throw my pole in the water?” I groaned and dropped my head.

  “You shouldn’t keep a woman from an orgasm,” I muttered, defending myself.

  “So, you were just going to use my cock to get off? And attack me and the fishing pole, and probably anything else that would have got in your way?” He smiled.

  I grinned slowly. “I don’t know what you’re worried about. I was gonna use you real good.”

  He burst out laughing and my stomach quivered in response. “Damn, then get back over here and ride me real good,” he hollered.

  I hmphed and didn’t comply. “No, thanks. Like I’d come back when you chose a fish over me the first time.” I stood up and dusted off my pants. “Actually, I think I’ll go ahead and head back.” I made the mistake of looking over at him and seeing the smirk resting on his mouth. Why was he so infuriating…ly handsome?

  “Get your ass over here,” he ordered.

  “No.”

  “Blue,” he warned.

  “Ryan,” I mocked.

  “I said come here.” He waited. “If you don’t, I’ll take you instead.” Should I run and let him catch me, or give in and have him like I want? “Look, I’m reeling in the line right now.” And he was. I found my feet moving, my heart was already there but my mind wanted to fight him some more.

  Once I was next to him, he reached up and undid my pants before sliding them down. I stepped out of them and he pulled me back into his lap again. My chest had this little fuzzy feeling in it. Something as simple as getting my way with him had me giddy. He smirked right before taking off my shirt—everything was happening again, and this time I knew we wouldn’t stop because he went straight for what I wanted.

  He freed himself from his jeans and took the edge of my panties, ripping them. I watched everything his hands did underneath the tinted glow of the lantern. “Is this what you want, Blue?” he asked me, and I nodded with a deep throaty moan. I lifted my ass and he gripped it the same time, slamming me down onto him. We both cried out before he covered our sounds with a fierce kiss. His tongue claimed my mouth, and I wrapped my arms around him, desperate to feel every part of him.

  He tried to control my movements with his hands on my hips. “Let me,” I whispered before taking over. I rode him, wishing I was a succubus who could make him want me as much as I wanted him. Every time my body took him completely in, he groaned, and his reactions were what spurred me on. I started grinding my pubic bone into him before moving up and back down all over again. “Jesus,” he muttered. His hands were all over me, taking each of my nipples into his mouth and biting down. My body was on the verge of tipping over, but I wanted—no, I needed it to be him this time. I wanted him to fall apart with me like I did with him.

  My legs were shaking as I drew my own pleasure near. The orgasm was only another slide down his dick so I stopped and rocked into him instead to prevent it. But it was no use, all I had to do was meet his lust filled eyes as he tipped his lips to my neck and I cried out in frustration because I was fighting a losing battle. I couldn’t make him feel what I felt between us, and that ripped me open. “Give in,” he said as my body shook and I could barely move because my orgasm was all through me, and Ryan always shattered me until I no longer existed afterward.

  “No, together,” I moaned, and stopped myself from moving on him anymore so that I wouldn’t without him. As I shook, I dragged my hands to his face and lifted it so that I could kiss him. I savored the taste of him slowly despite the chaos my body was going through. He brought his hands to my hands and kissed me back before lying back.

  I leaned down to join him, but he stopped me with his hand. “No, I want you sitting up.” Even I didn’t know what kind of look I gave him, but he added, “Don’t come until I do.” I nodded vehemently. “Together,” he promised.

  “Yes,” I cried, straightening up my back. This position brought him into me deeper. Ryan’s hands moved to my hips. This time I let him control my body’s movements. He lifted me to where he was almost completely out of me before forcing me back down in a painful thrust. I whimpered and let my body fall onto his.

  “No, Blue,” he said with a throaty voice. “Sit straight up.”

  I sat back up and he began pounding into me, his grip tightening on my hips. He was hitting me deep and he held me in place so that I couldn’t move. I arched my back and took it all, the pain and the pleasure. The pain of every thrust brought a dark, pleasant ache that spiraled all through me.

  “Ryan.” I dropped my head so that I could gaze down at him. His pained, lustful expression only heightened my approaching orgasm. “I’m gonna come,” I told him. “Come with me.”

  He groaned, tossing his head back onto the ground. “Fuck,” he muttered. He thickened inside me and my tensed stomach finally began to relax and let my orgasm go. My whole body loosened as I let his ongoing thrusts push me into what I kept denying myself. “Fucking come now, Molly,” he ordered, and I did the moment his own release hit him. My body shivered and rippled as he spilled into me. He buried himself deep, neither of us moving. We didn’t have to, our bodies gave in so easily, all we had to do was absorb it from each other. I fell against his chest, our breathing heavy, and our bodies sated.

  “You like getting your way, don’t you?” he asked through pants. I smiled against his shirt, still a little loopy from sex. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. “Shit, I think my head’s in the mud.”

  I laughed and lifted my head. The moment ours eyes met he hardened inside me and my laughter died out. “Again?” I asked, and he smirked.

  One of his hands trailed down until one lingered around my back hole. “I can show you a whole other world of pleasure if you’d let me,” he teased me with words.

  I shrugged my shoulders playfully before meeting his eyes again. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do to me that I wouldn’t find pleasurable.” I was embarrassed by my words so I placed a kiss on his chest to keep from looking at him.

  He brought his hand to my hair. “I think you’re right,” he agreed softly. “You kinda fade away on me for a while after that first orgasm hits, except for this one.”

  I nodded. “Well, believe me, I was holding on for dear life so that we could let go together.”

  “Why?” He chuckled.

  “Because, I just wanted to.” I placed my arms on his chest and laid my head over them. “Damn,” I huffed. The scary thing about falling for something I realized was you couldn’t control some of the things that came from your mouth, just like you couldn’t control the emotions that came with being around him.

  His fingers were still messing around with my back hole, and he w
as still hard inside me, but we lay there absorbing the peace until I finally said, “We should probably go shower. I’m pretty sure something’s crawling up my leg, and I might let out one of those girly squeals any second now if we don’t.”

  “Women and bugs,” he muttered as he sat up with me still in his arms. I reluctantly disconnected our bodies.

  I didn’t even bother to put on my clothes, I just picked them up and ported before him. I walked into the bathroom and turned the water on, letting it warm up. I switched it over to the shower and stepped inside once the water was scalding. I smiled when I heard him step into the bathroom a couple minutes later. I busied myself by grabbing the washcloth I brought in, lathering it up with soap. I tried not to look too happy when he opened the shower curtain and stepped in behind me but I probably failed.

  “Scoot up,” he nagged behind me. He leaned into my back, letting his erection poke my ass. He brought his arms around me, letting the water pour over them. He wanted to steal the hot water from me. “Share the wealth,” he said, pushing me forward.

  I laughed and turned around. “I was here first.” Then I looked up at his hair. The back of it was covered in chunks of mud, and I sniggered some more. “You have mud all in your hair.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I noticed in the mirror before stepping in,” he replied. He grabbed my shoulders and started maneuvering us around the shower.

  “I don’t think so,” I grumbled, and grabbed his arms to stop him. He smirked and I huffed. “Just stay like this. That way we both get the water,” I told him. The water sprayed between us so that we both got some of it.

  He cocked an eyebrow. “There’s no room for me to wash off,” he complained.

  “Stop holding my shoulders.” I pushed his hands away. His dick started poking me as he leaned down to grab the body wash. “This is my side, stop crossing over,” I said, right before I shoved it away, only for it to slap right back at me.