Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4) Page 7

  He stepped out of the doorway, and I moved out of his way but not without breathing in his body’s scent as he did so. “What to do with you tonight?” I didn’t know if he was asking me or himself but my lady parts trembled the same time my heart pounded with fear.

  He went into his bedroom. I didn’t follow, but I stood in the hallway wondering why I wasn’t running into the empty room and pretending to sleep. But all I could think about was how wrong his life was.

  Ryan was different than all the others that held me captive. And the fact that I knew he used to be a good guy only complicated my feelings. It hit me right there. I want to free him from Fear. Not just to save myself, but because he was good once and he could be good again. I’d make things right.

  I wanted to redeem myself because if I were honest, Fear wasn’t the one that haunted me all these centuries. It was Ryan. I took his life and it changed his entire fate. Of course, it was an order given by Fear who claimed it was all Marcus earlier as he held me down and shamed me, but I had ultimately been the one to do it.

  “Shut up!” I jumped at Ryan’s voice in the other room. I knew he wasn’t talking to me, I hadn’t said a word. I believed it was Fear he was talking to. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to share a body and mind with Fear.

  “I didn’t say anything,” I spoke up so that he would hear me. I couldn’t stop myself from interrupting his madman antics with himself, not when I wanted a reason to continue talking to him.

  “Are you still standing in the hallway?” he asked. I watched his shadow peeking out of the room. He looked like he was putting on a shirt.

  “Yeah, there’s nothing to do,” I said lamely. His shadow shook his head right before he laughed.

  “I figured you’d be fighting me about freeing you from the mark… not telling me you’re bored like I should fix it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Asshole,” I muttered.

  “I heard that.” Naw, shit. I meant for you to hear it. Why I decided I wanted to save him beats me. His words always rubbed me the wrong way. My emotions were very unstable around him, that was for sure. Lucky for him, I felt guilty and he happened to look like my perfect fantasy, or else… who was I kidding, I’d probably still want to help him.

  “Give yourself a cookie,” I couldn’t help but say.

  He was quiet for a second before he said, “Want to fuck?” My heart stopped. No, more like it halted, stumbled a few pathetic times into Ryan’s hands until it started again at an insane rate. My whole body might as well have been dipped in lava I was so heated and turned on. I hadn’t expected him to ask that. I wasn’t surprised to find out how easily I realized I wanted him to fuck me, though. Still, my reluctance to admit anything out loud led to him stepping back into the hall, dressed. “You don’t have to answer. Your emotions are broadcasting the truth enough.” It was damn infuriating that he could sense my every emotion. The prick fucking ate on them. Literally. His eyes fell over me, reddening. “Jesus, Blue, really turn that shit down. I can’t think with you not even bothering to hide it.”

  I just stood there glaring because how could I turn it off? I was pissed at him, but lust was a powerful thing and mine was still begging for him. “Get dressed. We’re going out,” he said, walking past me.

  So, we aren’t fucking? I wanted to ask him, but instead, I gave his back a funny look and asked, “Where are we going?” Then I looked down at his clothes I wore. “I don’t even have clothes to wear.” Not that I cared, but it felt like when he said, “We’re going out,” he literally meant we’re going out and probably getting into trouble. My stomach fluttered with excitement.

  “Oh right.” He turned around, his gaze on me sliding up and down. I curled my toes into the carpet. “I forgot you were taking mine without asking.” He sighed. “I’ll be right back.” I watched him slide his hand across his pocket where his portal chip must have been and ported. I went to the couch and waited. He came back a few minutes later tossing some skimpy looking dress at me with a pair of black heels. I held up the pink material and glared.

  “You really expect me to wear this?” I wasn’t a pink kinda girl. Sure, I’ve never gotten an actual chance to figure out just what kind of girl I was, but some things you just knew, and I knew I definitely wasn’t a pinky. “It’s pink,” I finally said, wrinkling my nose up at it.

  His grin was an I-knew-it one. “It’s funny how easily I predicted that kind of reaction from you and that’s exactly why I chose it, and that’s pretty much the only color she had that would fit you around the tits.” I curled my lips at him and looked down to hide my embarrassment. All the women he slept with probably had giant boobs, and no doubt this was taken from one of their houses. I felt strange, not in a good way at the thought of him and other women. “Hurry, I got big plans for you.”

  I groaned, stepping toward the hallway when he laughed. “No, Blue. Change right here. I wanna watch you.” Those last four words really did it for me and desire crashed over me all over again. I really want to fuck him.

  I turned back around to face him and his eyes darkened. “No, turn your back toward me and strip off your clothes. I’ll put your dress on.” His voice was dark and commanding. I hated being ordered around until that moment. My stomach coiled with heat as I turned around and did as he said, tossing the pink dress onto the floor, lifting the giant shirt over my head, then sliding down the jogging pants. When I straightened my back, his hands found the curve of my back and I yelped softly out of surprise and expectation. Then they traced around my flat stomach as his breath caressed my neck. My nipples were pebbles and my body was so tuned in on what he might do next that I felt lightheaded.

  He started lowering himself. I felt every bit of his breath against my back as he slowly squatted. Oh, fuck. His face was right against my ass cheeks. He grabbed the pink material next to my feet and said in a voice laced with something I recognized in me, “Lift your legs.” I did as he asked, lifting one leg up at a time as he slowly started sliding the dress up, and as he did, I couldn’t think of a time I was more turned on than I was right now as he dressed me. Every cell in my body was lit up, drumming along as the material moved its way over my ass, oh so slowly, because he wanted me to burn, and I was without him even touching me. His hands come to the front of the dress as he stood up to continue covering my body in pink. This time, he did let his fingers catch my nipples as he slid it up over my breasts. I hissed from the contact, instinctively leaning into his hands, but he pulled away just as I did.

  “Think you can get the straps on?” he asked. Those words should have been sweet but they weren’t. They were dark. They were evil, condescending. Then I realized very cruelly, this was the torture he was giving me. I always expected pain to come in beatings and the killing of my body, but what I never realized before was the way someone can tease you with something you suddenly wanted out of nowhere. And that out of nowhere feeling would be the one thing I could be controlled with.

  Lust was a powerful thing. Right then, my legs were shaking so hard, I let myself get built up when he’d never planned to take me down into the high. But he’d never once made it out to be something else, that was all me. The moment he invaded my space, it was all I could think about.

  I sucked in a hard breath and stepped away, sliding into the tiny straps. My nipples were sharps points against the thin material as I knew they would be for many hours to come. Because even with his obvious plans to torture me, I was still wound up. “Easy,” I said, turning and running my hands down the front of the dress. His eyes drank me in and lit up over my breasts. That’s when I noticed what was going on in his jeans, and smiled.

  The thing about lust. It was a dangerous thing to play with. Physical and sexual attractions could come in twos and right now, he was torturing himself just as much as he was me.

  “Is this the moment you tell me where we’re going?” I asked, coolly.

  His eyes danced with mayhem. “Ever heard of The Den?”

  I mig
ht have thought I’d lust after him the rest of the night, but those thoughts died the moment he mentioned The Den.

  We weren’t doing anything remotely close to screwing. No, I had a sick suspicion that I hoped was wrong.

  But, I already knew it wasn’t.

  The fucker was sticking me in a cage fight.

  ***

  I was no stranger to paid fights. I’ve been forced into a lot, I’ve won a lot, lost a lot, and always bled a lot more. But The Den was notorious for always giving one of the fighters an advantage over the other, hence why it was so famous in the Underworld. Everyone were crooks and this place was crawling with Underworld’s biggest villains.

  I’ve never been here before, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t run into someone that recognized me. In my fear and guilt, I wondered if maybe I should tell him who I was before Fear or someone told him first, but I was too afraid to utter the words. So, I waited for a better chance. Just like I was waiting for the right opportunity to slip the liquid into Ryan’s drink.

  The Den was one of the better, more put together places for these sorts of things. It kind of looked like a human warehouse only built with bones. Even the cage that the fights happened in were made of them, blackened over time and colored in the blood of its fallen victims in the ring. There was also a spot in the large room where women were available, and all around demons were fucking and screaming, placing bids on the current fight. It was loud and insane.

  When we ported there, I tensed up next to Ryan as he took my portal chip from my hand and stuck it into his pocket. I glared, but I figured it was because I had no pockets. All eyes fell on us when we arrived, or more like Ryan. It was obvious that every demon here knew who he was, so this wasn’t the first time he’d been here. Eyes were on me too but not on my eyes like they were Ryan’s. No, their focus was on the thin dress I wore. It clung to my body, revealing the small round of hips and butt I did have. Believe me, it wasn’t much, but it didn’t matter to these guys.

  And I hated how exposed I felt. All the times I’ve spent in these sorts of places before, I’d been in shabby clothes that hid me beneath them. Now, nothing could hide my body from their unwanted gazes. I openly glared and became hostile to anyone that bumped into me.

  As uncomfortable as I was, I could see the appeal of this place to Ryan. This was exactly what Fear fed on, and he was probably getting high off it all now. When I tilted my head up, though, his gaze was hot on mine. I questioned him with a lifted brow. He pushed me forward with his hand against my back. It wasn’t this place Ryan was feeding on, but me. I knew it, I felt it. I didn’t know why he had it out for me tonight, but he did.

  And that made me uneasy. That made him dangerous. That made me wish I was disgusted but what I felt was blistering hot.

  “You fit right in here perfectly, even more if your horns were out.” It had meant to come out sarcastically but somehow sounded more like an opinion. His eyes fell over me with a grin.

  “Sounds like an invitation to look the part of the monster that I am.” I looked over my shoulder at him carefully. Did I poke the beast too much? The answer was yes as the air around us shifted and darkened. When Ryan was finished, he stood as Fear. I shuddered, but it helped me understand him more. He could become Fear without actually being him, if that made any sense. Which meant Fear could most likely do the same, so I had to be careful.

  “Better?” Red eyes preyed down at me with his one word.

  We were the center of attention now. A large man stepped in front of us. His gaze flicked over me for a second before smiling at Ryan. “Wondering when you’d show. It’s been a few days. That’s too long if you ask the whores,” the man said and something knotted in my stomach. Of course, he slept with everything coming and going. Bastard. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.

  Ryan’s grin was directed at me for several long, torturous seconds before aiming it at the ugly demon-man that was no comparison to Ryan’s looks. “Sounds like I need to pay them a visit.” Someone stabbed me in the stomach, obviously not really, but that’s what it felt like listening to Ryan speak about fucking other women. I wanted that opportunity, not that he was going to give it up. He’d give it up to anyone but me, though.

  The man’s gaze fell back to me, eyes clouded with lust. “Who’s the doll?”

  “None of your concern,” Ryan said, his hand on my back heating my skin. “Blue’s mine to touch, Darrian,” ha-ha, there was really no touching going on in this relationship, “but you will get to see her in the cage.” Darrian’s eyes widened in surprise as he looked back at me, but not mine. I knew the asshole was going to put me through hell tonight. Did I really want to help this jerk be free of Fear? I sighed, not looking over at him because I knew he wanted a reaction but there was none to give.

  “Such a pretty little thing, are you sure?” Darrian asked Ryan with a look that spoke that’d-be-a-waste. “There’ll be nothing left of her to touch. She won’t survive thirty seconds.”

  I planted a blank expression on my face while Ryan had a full-on smirk. “I can still take her home dead,” he said, messing with Darrian.

  Darrian shook his head. “I’ve seen you do a lot of fucked up things, but screwing the dead? Are your needs growing darker, Fear?” he asked, and Ryan played him with the shrug of his shoulders.

  “Get her in the cage, we’ll be waiting,” was all Ryan told him as he led us toward the seats placed all around the cage. Some were standing, shaking the cage, screaming and roaring as a vampire took on a werewolf. It was ending right as he sat down. The werewolf bit the vampires head off. He shifted back into a man and my heart thudded. Timber. What I didn’t want to happen, did. I encountered someone that knew who I was. I met Timber when we were both captured by the same demon named Rein. We were stuck in cages for years together, and out of closeness and going through the same experiences, we started sleeping together in between our tortures and cage fights until the night Timber helped me escape… and sadly, I never thought of him again nor did I come back to save him. My priorities had always and forever been for me and me alone. Even wanting to save Ryan was to ease my own guilt.

  I scanned the room looking for any sign of Rein. Rein was handsome but sadistic. Similar to Fear, I supposed, which was probably why he didn’t like him or me. He was just another demon wanting to be better and more vicious than any other. I couldn’t see him anywhere which hopefully meant Timber wasn’t a slave to Rein’s torture anymore, but if he wasn’t then who held him prisoner now?

  “Didn’t expect you to be afraid,” Ryan startled me and I jumped. His eyes squinted as he studied me. I started pulling in all my emotions to hide away but the moment I looked back at the cage, all of it came back when I saw Timber again. Ryan turned and observed Timber before turning back to me.

  “Thanks for sticking me in a fight with demons that are three times my size.” I swallowed and kept my focus on anything but Ryan’s piercing gaze.

  “Hmm,” that one sound sounded threatening coming from his lips. “The more you try to hide who you are, Blue, the more curious I become at finding out who you are.” I ignored him which only seemed to make him worse. “Little Blue, being curious can make me angry, especially if I have to find out what it is on my own.”

  “I never realized I was obligated to give up anything about myself to the monster that marked me. You also happen to be putting me in a cage fight where the death of one or both fighters is the end game.” I turned and batted my eyes at him. He smiled at me in appreciation. “The day you find out my past is the day Hell freezes over.” My stomach bottomed out when I realized how true those words were.

  “I do love a challenge,” he leaned closer and whispered without ever breaking our eye contact. “And I also enjoy when you act like death is the end for you when you’ve already shown me it’s not.”

  I rolled my eyes before wetting my lips with my tongue. His eyes followed the movement. “And I don’t like how you act like that it’s supposed to
make me feel better. Dying still sucks. Pain still hurts.” I said, looking back toward the giant cage. Timber was already out, but he’d see me the moment I stepped in it. “You’d think after a thousand years of it, it would start to feel like nothing but it doesn’t. I’ve learned to accept it but that doesn’t make me numb. I feel it all. Every single time.” I wished I hadn’t given him another part of myself just now, but I did.

  “Fear!” Darrian called over to him and Ryan finally moved Fear’s eyes off me. Strangely, that didn’t bother me as much as it should. It was just a layer of darkness—a new skin, hiding the boy I killed, the touch I craved, the monster I hated, and the man I was now desperate to save alongside with me. “Bring yours up, she’s next.” I groaned at the way he called me Ryan’s, but this mark made it true no matter what I said otherwise

  Red eyes, pale skin, and black horns curved from his darkened hair all seemed more threatening than the death I was about to face locked in the cage. He tilted his chin and smiled. “You’re up, Blue.”

  I didn’t say a word, I just stood up and walked to where Darrian held the cage door open for me. I could see it in his eyes, he still thought it was a waste for me to go in the cage and die. Luckily, I didn’t stay dead.

  “How unfortunate that you ran into an entity such as Fear, otherwise, you’d live another day.” I ignored Darrian’s remark and stepped into the cage. The crowd went ballistic, roaring and screaming that I was a girl—it wasn’t uncommon for women to be thrown in fights, so it must have been awhile since their last one. I ignored the catcalls and lewd remarks and stopped once I stood in the center of the stage. My opponent stepped in next and I frowned, quickly recovering by placing my hands on my hips and pretending I wasn’t intimated by the ogre walking around me. I wouldn’t win this fight even if I stepped into this pit of death willing to put up a fight. Ogres were huge and tough as nails. Most of the time, weapons couldn’t even penetrate through their skin. With my bare hands, I didn’t stand any chance.