Just Enough Read online

  Just

  Enough

  MICHELLE GROSS

  Just Enough Copyright

  copyright © 2018 by Michelle Gross

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Artwork © 2018 L.J. Anderson of Mayhem Cover Creations

  Table Of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Epilogue

  More Books by Michelle

  About the Author

  Just Enough

  Benjamin

  I keep you in a place within reach, but I don’t dare seek you out. I keep you just enough, just enough to feel you close. You’re my best friend, but I know in my heart you’ve always been more.

  I don’t dare look too much, hold too much, or wish too much from you.

  But it’s always there between us, potent and underneath the layers I keep you hidden in until it’s too much, and it sends me searching to find another someone to hold.

  And when I find her, I know I’m safe again. Safe from the need to make you mine.

  Emily

  I’m within reach, but he never dares to seek me out. I will keep you always, just enough, just enough to feel you close, because I don’t see you as anything more than a best friend…until that line blurs.

  I’m too afraid to tiptoe any closer to where you are, where we could be, but when I think I’m finally going to try reaching for more of you, another someone lands in your arms instead.

  And when she does, I know I’m safe again. Safe from the need to let me be yours.

  To the men of my life:

  Dad, every father figure I write seems to be a reflection of you.

  You may be bad at love, but you’re great at being a father.

  I love you.

  Cartis, my most favorite drunk.

  Not only did you father the love of my life, you’re the coolest old dude I’ve ever known. This world’s just not right with you no longer in it.

  And finally, C.J.

  I’ll admit, you’re the inspiration behind all my dudes. All the stupid stuff you say to me gets thrown into my next book. You’re pretty annoying, but you’re mine. You come third only because I would have never had to tell them to fix the toilet a hundred times.

  I’d love you even more if you’d let me sleep.

  Prologue

  5 years prior…

  The sound was hard, immediate.

  I peeled my eyes open, fighting the hold sleep had on me and trying to decide if I really wanted to be awake. Then I heard my cell phone and realized the reason I was even awake.

  I rolled over and went to grab it from the dresser next to my bed and ended up knocking it on the floor instead. I cursed, leaning down to pick it up. When I saw the name flash over the screen, the anger and sleep faded. I glanced at the glaring red of my clock and saw that it was two in the morning.

  I answered. “Emily?”

  “Benjamin.” Emily was the only one that called me by my full name, everyone else called me Ben or Benny. My name on her lips sounded more of a question.

  “What’s wrong?” My voice was hoarse and full of sleep. “What are you doing up?”

  “Do you think you can come get me?”

  Raising up, I grabbed my glasses from the dresser and stumbled over to the window and peeked out to the house next door. Her house. “You’re not home?”

  “Josh picked me up earlier, I just want to go home,” she said quickly.

  “Emily.” I swore.

  “I know,” she whispered. “So, don’t start. Can you please come and get me?”

  “Where are you?” I was already putting on a shirt and jeans over the boxers I slept in.

  She gave me the address and hung up. I crept downstairs and grabbed my mom’s car keys because her car was a lot quieter than mine or dad’s. I’d like to say I wasn’t one of those privileged boys that got things handed to them from their parents, but I was. To be fair, I had just turned seventeen.

  When I started the car and backed out of the driveway, I knew there was a good chance they heard me leave so I’d have that to deal with when I returned. Getting Emily out of the mess she was in trumped everything else.

  It took me twenty minutes to get to the address she gave me. The parking lot was full, cars parked in the grass, and the music could be heard as I put the car in park and stepped out.

  Josh was in college, and Emily had been dragged into this partying scene ever since they got together six months ago. I never liked any guy Emily dated; she had the worst taste, but Josh was a stocky little shit that walked around like he owned the world.

  I spotted her sitting on the steps, her thin jacket wrapped tight around her. She must have spotted Mom’s car because she stood, and her gaze caught mine. Her green eyes had a way of holding me captive but not tonight. She must have sensed my mood because her lips faltered, and she didn’t know whether to smile or look away. She chose to look down at her shoes.

  “Let’s go,” I told her.

  She nodded, walking down the steps. The front door opened from the house, and Josh stepped out. Seeing him pissed me off to no end. Emily called me to come get her, but I wasn’t stupid. I’d known her forever, since she moved in next door around preschool if you wanted to be precise, and I knew exactly how to read her. Something happened. He did something. If not him, someone at this party had fucked with her, and the simple fact was: I saw red when it came to her well-being, much to my mom’s displeasure.

  “Where ya going, babe? You can’t just leave.” He moved down the steps to catch her. I beat him to it and pulled her into me. At the sight of me, he glared at her. “Did you tell him to come get you?”

  “Let’s go.” She pulled at my shirt, completely ignoring him.

  “Emily, don’t be like that.”

  He went to grab her shoulder, and I pulled her behind me. “I think it’s clear she wants to leave.”

  “I’ll take you home,” he told her.

  “Are you fucking serious? You’re drunk. What, do you want to kill her in the process?” I knew not to go pissing off a drunk, but like I said, I lost reason when it came to Emily.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” He gl
ared at me. “You’re just her next-door neighbor, I’m her fucking boyfriend.”

  “You’re not my boyfriend, Josh,” Emily spoke up, glaring at him. “Not anymore.”

  “What the hell, Emily?” I didn’t like the dark way he was looking at her, like he had every right to her.

  “Please, let’s just go. I want to leave.” She grabbed my arm, and I realized her hands were trembling against me as she tried to pull me. She was terrified, and she wanted nothing more than to leave.

  Turning back to him, I hissed. “What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything,” he bellowed. He tossed his hand up at Emily. “She’s the one that had another guy all over her.” He snorted. “Fuck this shit. She ain’t worth it.” Instead of leaving though, he stood and watched her like he expected her to come to him after his little outburst.

  “Benjamin, please.” I met green orbs; they pleaded up at me, and I was lost to them.

  And that was all it took, and I listened to her. I took her hand and walked her back to the car. It was when I opened the car door for her and helped her inside that I took notice of the purple bruising all over her neck. Before she could hide it, I lifted her burgundy colored hair and saw that she was covered in hickeys. She flinched and pulled away from me. “Why so many?” I understood some couples were into that, but the way Emily tried to hide hers from me told a different story.

  I debated for a bit before I finally asked, “Did he do this to you forcefully?” I peeled her hand away and studied her neck. She was literally covered. I tried to shake the rage I was feeling, but I just couldn’t. The fact that it seemed to trail on down her chest… and when her eyes met mine, she started crying.

  I stood up and turned around. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

  The asshole was still standing in the yard like he was waiting for her to come back. I heard Emily behind me right before she pulled at my arm. “Please, don’t. I just want to leave and never see him again.” She tried to tell me, maybe I should have listened, but no one should be forcefully touched any given way. Let it go once, and it would happen again and again.

  “One question, Josh, and then we’re gone.” I managed to speak through my seething temper.

  “Get outta here, I ain’t got time to play with some high school kid.” Considering I towered over him, his words were funny. I might not have all that muscle in my arms and chest like he did, but I wasn’t afraid of guys like him either.

  “Did you force yourself on her?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  “Benjamin,” she wailed behind me like she hated this.

  He had the nerve to look at her and smirk. “You can’t force yourself on your girlfriend, man. It’s my right.”

  I went at him. I punched him in the face, once, twice, almost a third time before he tackled me on the ground and we fought for who stayed on top. The front door opened, and a few more guys came out. They must have been Josh’s friends because Emily said, “Come on, he’s not worth it. Besides, I don’t think he wants to keep fighting with a minor.”

  I climbed off him after landing one more punch. He got up slowly. “She’s not worth this shit,” he said again.

  Emily’s focus was on me as she studied my face and pulled me away from the yard, and away from all his buddies that could gang up on me if they chose to. I realized that was the reason why she mentioned us being minors to them.

  “Your eye’s gonna be swollen shut tomorrow,” she mumbled close to my face. Her mascara ran down her cheeks, but she was beautiful. A chaotic mess, maybe, but still beautiful.

  “He looks worse though, right?” I asked with a lazy grin to lighten the mood.

  She smiled. “Yeah, he looks horrible.” Then there she was starting to sniffle again. I sighed and pulled her close. I made her sit down in the passenger side seat and bent down in front of her. “It’s over. I’m taking you home.”

  “Why do guys want to own me?” she asked. “Why do they think no means yes?”

  “Maybe you should stop looking for love in all the wrong places,” I gave her the harsh reality. “You’re only seventeen.”

  “Don’t. I already know you’re better than me.”

  “Emily.” I grabbed her hand. “Stop.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Your mom’s gonna kill you when she sees your face.”

  I winced at her words because I hadn’t thought about that. Now that the adrenaline was gone, I felt slightly foolish for what I did, but not enough. The anger was still bitter in my mouth. I wanted to do it all over again every time I caught the colors lined all around her neck.

  “It’ll be okay.”

  “You’re right,” she told me. “I need to stop running to every guy that gives me attention. I don’t need sex or love—guys suck at those things, anyway.” I grinned at her. “I have you. I’ll always have you, right?”

  “Right,” I never wasted a breath.

  “Safe.” She smiled.

  “Safe?” I frowned.

  “Safe is what you are. Like home, it’s what you are to me. Don’t ever change.”

  “I won’t.”

  But I wouldn’t decipher why that bothered me.

  Even as I drove us home, I didn’t want to figure out why I felt lost all of a sudden. Mom was waiting for me when I pulled into our driveway. She stood at the door, scowling as she saw Emily dart out of the passenger side and hurried across the yard to her house.

  Only when she stopped midway in her yard and turned around, gave me that smile she’d been giving me for most of our lives, did reality strike.

  My heart was lost, pumping out of rhythm, mourning the place it’d never reach because being safe was what I was.

  It was where I’d stay.

  Her standing there, I saw the girl she was, the one I chased around for hours on hours growing up, I saw who she was now, the girl that sought love in all the wrong places because she was so desperate to feel something, anything. And lastly, I saw the woman she’d become staring back at me.

  That smile, so carefree, until she saw my mom glaring, and gave me a pitying look before she waved and ran inside.

  I stood there, and I’d stay still. I’d play it safe.

  But, it flashed before my eyes. The truth of what I felt for her, what I always felt for her. I blinked it away, closed my eyes, only the thoughts would never go away for long.

  They’d always come back.

  Chapter 1

  _______

  Benjamin

  3 years prior…

  I was moving out. I was leaving this town, leaving the house I grew up in and heading for college. In all honesty, I couldn’t wait. Mom was overbearing and always trying to control every aspect of my life, and Dad’s car dealerships loomed over my shoulders. In the state of Virginia, our last name—Helen—was plastered on most of the car dealerships. My dad was a big name in the business. I knew it was my future, but it was a future I didn’t want right now.

  So yeah, I was ready to get the hell out of dodge. There was just one problem…

  I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and walked to my bedroom window. I called Emily and waited.

  “Hello?”

  “Walk to your window,” I told her.

  “I’m eating,” she muttered with a mouth full of food.

  “Emily,” I said in my stern voice.

  “Fine,” she huffed. I smiled as I heard the chair she was sitting on squeak as she got up. When she pulled her curtain to the side, she smiled at me. “What? I thought there’d be something good. It’s just you.”

  I fought the need to roll my eyes. “Come with me.”

  She frowned, shaking her head. “Not this again. I’m not leaving, you know that.”

  “What’s left in this town?”

  She laughed through the phone, it was loud and rich. “I don’t plan on going to college this year.” Her words worried me because if I left her alone, I feared no one else would make her go. Her dad was a drunk while her mom worke
d all the time. The woman was more self-absorbed and into aiding her husband’s addiction than Emily and the things she did.

  “Emily…”

  “I’m doing just fine at Crash’s right now; the tips are good.” Crash’s was a local diner with a bar. She was only nineteen, so she didn’t work near the bar.

  “You plan on working there forever?”

  “I might,” she said defensively.

  “Don’t.” I blew into the phone. “You’re fucking brilliant, except for your choice in guys.” She snorted, and I continued, “Don’t waste away doing nothing.”

  “Okay, Mommy Benjamin.” I cringed every time she called me that. “Stop coddling me, I can take care of myself.”

  “Then come with me.”

  “No.”

  “You little—”

  She gasped. “Little what?”

  “Little…” I gave up on what I was going to say. “I’m going to worry,” I admitted.

  “Benjamin, look at me.” I did as she asked and looked back out the window to her. Her face was bright and knowing as she reassured me. “I make mistakes, but I don’t repeat the same ones. I’ll be okay, and I won’t settle for any guy less than perfect.”

  I covered my face with my hand and groaned. “Just stay away from them period. I won’t be here to get you out of trouble.”

  At my words, her expression turned haunted. “Should I?”

  I wasn’t sure how to answer. I was momentarily stunned by her reaction.

  She finally broke the silence. “If I should stay away from guys, then you should date more.”

  “I have no problems—”

  “Please,” she cut me off. “Kelly’s been the only girl you’ve ever dated, and that only lasted six months.” I saw the glint in her eyes from here. “You probably didn’t bone her right.”

  I swore. “I have no problems… I’m not having this conversation with you.”

  “Don’t worry, none of my three boyfriends knew what they were doing either.” She pretended to laugh before she sighed. “That’s why I’m going to wait. I’ve used up enough of my time, my body, and my heart on silliness. I won’t do it anymore.”