Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4) Read online

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Epilogue

  Falling For

  Fear

  A Grim Awakening Novel

  BOOK FOUR

  Michelle Gross

  FALLING FOR

  FEAR

  copyright © 2017 by Michelle Gross

  All rights reserved.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Artwork –© 2016 L.J. Anderson of Mayhem Cover Creations

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Epilogue

  Seven Deadly

  Acknowledgements.

  About The Author

  For all the dark souls,

  With our darkened hearts,

  It’s okay to like the things we do.

  Prologue

  The first person I ever saw was a man: a monster. My creator.

  I didn’t have thoughts at that point in my life; I had bloodlust. Nothing mattered beyond what I needed and craved.

  Next to me, two other creatures came to be that day. We didn’t call ourselves man or woman, we weren’t persons, we weren’t meant to be anything other than monsters. The monster I was craved only one thing, an emotion, a feeling. It didn’t matter what or where I got it from, as long as I fed on it.

  Fear.

  Fear… Fear… I remembered that word first because that was who I was and that was all I ever wanted, along with every other darkened emotion.

  And I was—no, I am still a monster.

  I love what I am. I love the taste of what I invoke on humans and demons alike. When their body fills with dread—horror becomes their expression and with it comes the taste of that emotion. Fucking yummy. Even more so before I hurt them, bleed them out starting with their mind. Always get inside their minds first; fear doesn’t taste good unless it’s more than their body they’re worried about. It’s their insanity—the hope to live on after the fear has permanently inflicted its damage on their soul.

  I don’t feel sorry for what I am. I was made to be this monster. But I did have a downfall and his name was Marcus and how I chose to merge with the incubus demon because I felt the evil radiating off him like a disease. I thought he was like me—but what I didn’t know was how different two evils can be.

  Our cravings were different. I wanted to keep on living and doing what I’ve always done, yet… he wanted power and control… more than what I could give him. He wanted something I gave zero shits about, but I was stuck with him. Although he was only an incubus, Marcus had been smart. He trapped me inside my own body with a witch’s spell—he could do whatever he wanted with my powers and my body, and I could do nothing— I was stuck on the inside looking out.

  But it didn’t last forever, I gained back some of my control over time. Not enough to do much; enough to piss him off, though.

  And then, we stumbled upon Molly. Childlike, murder-in-her-eyes, Molly. She was a ghost—no, she was a poltergeist. Years spent living without being noticed with the humans turned her into a monster—the things she did to humans fed me the fucking tastiest fear. Marcus kept her by our side and for once, I didn’t mind the choice he made. I wanted her to keep feeding me with only the fear she brought with her. It was different than all the rest—different than the taste of my own fear-inducing perception I forced out of humans and demons.

  She came with us because she wanted the body of a woman. It made me curious as to what she wanted it for—something other than fear stirred inside me. Lust. I wanted to give her what she wanted—then I could do a lot of fear-inducing things to her that not only fueled my monster—but the male in me.

  But that was exactly why Marcus kept her at arm’s length, but close enough to annoy the fuck out of me—threatening to kill her soul because he knew that wasn’t what I wanted her for. I wanted her for a lot of things and don’t get me wrong, I wanted to hurt the hell out of her and do a lot of bad to her. But kill her… no. And he wouldn’t give her what she wanted because he knew she’d leave the moment she got her body. No, he needed her around, not just because she was fucking good at getting shit done, but because he controlled me with her.

  But I lost her the same day I rid myself of Marcus. He dug his own grave the day he crossed paths with Grim and even though I hated Grim—fucking goody-two-shoes—and everything he stood for, he had freed me that day. I’d never tell him that, though.

  And the first thing I did the moment I was separated from Marcus and watched him die, I went right back into another merge. Only this time, I chose differently. With Marcus, I chose him for his evil. With Ryan, I chose him because he was everything I wasn’t. He was one of the good guys, and I wanted nothing more than to feed on his pain and the agony of becoming me.

  Only I never expected his good to be so strong. And once again, I made a stupid fucking mistake when it came to merging. I couldn’t handle the flowery shit his heart and mind made me feel, and he couldn’t stand the shit I forced him to do, but he had no choice. But I did, and I refused to let his mind change me. I blocked him out of my mind—kept us separated where only one of us controlled the body at a time. It was fun for me. I fed on his fear and hate every time he did what I forced him to do, but I was changing him. He didn’t hate it so much anymore. Slowly, I was engraving myself into his mind, but I’d never let him do the same to me.

  What I didn’t expect was Molly to still be alive and for us to cross paths with her. I didn’t expect to see her in the body she had now. I didn’t expect to fall right back into the same pattern of wanting to tear her apart and do what I wanted with her.

  Worse, I didn’t expect the changes she’d force on us all.

  Chapter One

  Molly

  The thing about
untold truths are they are secrets; hidden lies.

  They’ll crawl out sooner or later…

  And when they do, they’ll swallow you whole.

  His eyes opened. With the knife above my head, I froze. I forgot that he couldn’t see me since I was a ghost. And I was the only one that could see him—his brown eyes were wide and frantic as he looked around the hospital room. I hardened my resolve and slammed the knife into his chest.

  He died. He never saw me. He never saw me. He never saw me, I kept telling myself.

  I took a breath and slid off his body. When I turned, panic gripped me all over again. “He saw nothing, but I did.” Red eyes roamed over me and Fear’s mouth tipped into a sinister smile. He grabbed my throat just as I woke up screaming.

  I took in my surroundings and exhaled when I saw that I was in the Underworld. It was only a dream. Still, I was spooked and the one thing I could never let find me was Fear or the boy I killed that became the monster himself. Even if he didn’t know I was ultimately the one that killed him, I still did enough for him to hate me.

  I’ve been paying the prize for the decades spent by Fear’s side for centuries. My only goal was to get out of the Underworld. I was hunted by too many demons and with no power or portal chip, it was pure hell down here for me.

  I heard movement from the corner of the shop. I stood quickly and darted through the alleyway where I had been sleeping. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing my face, so I constantly wore clothes that covered me head to toe. It didn’t take demons long to figure out who I was—not everyone knew what I looked like now, but enough did that I needed to get into the human world. The only place I’d be safe from the people I’ve wronged. There were plenty of bounties on my head.

  I’ve been tortured, beaten, killed, again and again, and was on the run now from the last demon I escaped. She was a real bitch, but I was one of the people that helped make her that way. I kidnapped her two daughters and delivered them to Fear a long time ago. They were dead now. One killed herself before Fear could do anything to her; the other was stronger, but strength alone got you nowhere with Fear. He married her, only to kill her soon after.

  The guilt flared to life in my stomach, making me sick. I shouldn’t feel guilt, I got what I wanted—screw everyone I ruined, right? Wrong, I was pathetic.

  But these demons pissed me off. I didn’t see any of them running to Fear and exacting revenge. No, they were scared shitless and the only one they had the pleasure of taking it out on was mwah. Who was I to judge them? I’d rather fall into the hands of any other demon than Fear’s. I knew exactly what kind of monster he truly was.

  Most of all, I made the biggest betrayal when I delivered Melanie to the Devil when Fear wanted her.

  … Melanie was the other problem. Along with her husband Grim.

  You just had to go and piss off three immortals, didn’t you, Molly?

  Sure, I hadn’t known that Melanie was an upgraded-female version of Grim when I kept trying to kill her… over and over. But I had known how stupid it was to keep going after her when Grim cared for her. And I definitely knew how stupid it was to betray Fear. He lost Marcus that night and merged with the boy, Ryan, right before I gone and grabbed Melanie.

  Maybe that was the only thing that saved me that night from him. He was too busy with his merge. But even after all these centuries spent running, the thought of him finally coming for me crossed my mind every single day.

  I was paranoid for good reason. I knew the things I did for Fear—and for this body—would come back to haunt me one day, because it had already started centuries ago.

  An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

  As I was looking back to make sure no one was following me, I ran smack dab into something… or someone. When I turned, I was smacked in the face. I held my jaw and my eyes widened.

  “Think you can escape me so easily?” Lorraine smiled at me and asked.

  Shit.

  Back to being tortured and killed, I go.

  Chapter Two

  Ryan

  “Fear,” she whispered as her blonde curls and luscious curves darted around the corner of her house. I grinned when I heard her giggle. She reminded me of someone. Little did she know that was one of the reasons I chose her to fuck with. That, and she could take the pain.

  “You like to be chased?” I called out to her as I followed her around the corner, taking my time. “You know I’m going to enjoy hurting you when I get my hands on you? And you’re gonna enjoy it when I do.”

  “You won’t catch me,” she yelled from another room. Her words spurred me on, the monster in me roared to life. He liked this game. But he was going to like it, even more, when I got my hands on her.

  Before I merged with Fear, I wouldn’t have been caught dead saying some of the things I do to women now—or the things I did to them. Yeah, I had loved to fuck women when I was a human, but I was always a respectable guy about it and treated them the way they should be treated. But almost a thousand years spent in the Underworld as something that lived on people’s fears and pains, my lines of right and wrong blurred a long time ago.

  Now, I wanted to do a lot of horrible things to them. I always made sure to pick the ones that enjoyed it as much as I loved feeding on their emotions. Like this feisty demon I was going after now, Levy, I thought her name was. I’ve come to her house a few times already, I liked her because she never said no to anything. It took a lot to satisfy me some days.

  Her footsteps stopped. I heightened my senses until I heard her excited breaths. From the sound of her breathing, she was two rooms down. I gripped the portal chip inside my jeans pocket and debated porting to where she was. It would surprise her—her heart rate would beat more wildly than it was right now. Or maybe I should run after her, let her hear my footsteps coming for her? Which would give her more fear, I pondered.

  I decided on the run. I purposely made my footsteps loud and imposing as I threw open the door. She took off running from the closet, but my hands were already on her—one went to her hair and the other around her waist as I forced her head against the stand next to the bed. Her hands grabbed the nightstand and saved her head from the fall—damn shame, the taste of her pain would have been a good start to the fear.

  I felt my skin crawling, changing as I switched into Fear’s form. Using his body had its perks. “Look at me,” I ordered her. She lifted her gaze and her eyes widened. I inhaled her hatred of me in this form—she didn’t like when I took her this way. I wasn’t nice to look at in this form—I was fucking scary as hell.

  “Not this way,” she whimpered. “Please change back.”

  “No, your repulsion of me in this form tastes too good.” I brought my face to her back and breathed it all in, letting my eyes roll back. Every emotion had a different taste, as long as it was one of the bad ones I liked to devour, they tasted amazing. “If you say no, I’ll leave right now, but if you want to be fucked, it’ll be in this form,” I told her. That was the only line I was never willing to cross—I’d never take a woman against her will. No matter how much Fear tried to force me to sometimes. He’d never get inside my head enough to make me go that far. But even so, he’d feed me one of his memories of when he forced himself on someone and make me watch it just for his own sick pleasure. I wasn’t stupid, I knew the monster I fed, fed on my own emotions every chance he got. Fucker.

  She looked down at the nightstand instead of me. “No, I want you to.”

  I glanced at her hair, the curve of her back as I ripped her shirt with my tail. She squealed in response. Looking at her this way, I saw Penny. She’d been my fuck buddy for several centuries until she got old, disappeared, and died somewhere. I liked her—grown comfortable around her. She was down with a lot of the shit I did and was fun to hang around with, too. She’d never let me fuck her in this form, though but I was okay with that. Because she’d been Penny. She helped me survive the hell of becoming Fear—kept telling me over and over that I could live with t
he monster I’ve become and still be better than him even though I was him. She hadn’t been the only person that had been there for me, but I really didn’t feel like conjuring up Grim’s face at a time like this.

  Instead, the blonde in front of me became the blonde of my dreams—the only person I’d ever loved. And you’d think after all these centuries I’d learn to let it go—let her go, but I couldn’t. Melanie always appeared inside my head at a time like this. Along with guilt toward Grim and her. Because they were the only two people I had down here left to give a shit about me.

  “Fuck,” I growled, annoyed with myself. I could feel Fear knocking against the inside of my own mind—laughing and breathing in my self-hatred. I took my aggravation of him out on Levy. My tail wrapped around her neck and her heart picked up speed, and her body radiated fear like she was a fucking heater. It tasted delicious.

  “Fear,” she half cried, half moaned. I tore at her jeans, my claws catching her flawless skin. When her mouth opened with her cry, I forced my tail in her mouth. She made a gagging noise as I pressed against the wall of her throat. I groaned because my tail was almost like my dick—it felt good.

  I waited until her face was beet red before pulling out enough for her to catch her breath and went right back in the same time my dick pressed into her.

  ______

  I whistled a show tune as I walked around the City of the Dead after leaving Levy’s. I didn’t really feel like porting back home just yet. Maybe I’d find a head or two to feed the twins—Ruby and River, they were dragons, though Melanie chewed my own head off every time I brought them something back. Something about demons being full of diseases. I didn’t want to burst her bubble and remind her that they ate all kinds of carcasses, including demons. I didn’t want to ruin whatever vision she had of them inside her head.

  “Fear!” I recognized Levy’s voice and turned around to see her running toward me. I tilted my head. “Um, I need you to come back to my place.” She looked down, around, then back to my face pleading. “I want you again.” It was a lie, I could taste her lie before it even left her mouth.