Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4) Read online

  Molly was the answer to our undoing.

  Chapter Twenty

  Molly

  I slept too long if the pounding of my head was any indication when I first woke. Ryan had already left to go say goodbye to his sister, and I was stuck for hours alone in the house. I made myself a sandwich—the only thing I could make—and sat on the counter with my feet dangling as I ate. Then I somehow ended up with my head hanging off the table as I skimmed through a book. After that, I took a bag of chips with me to the couch and watched a horror movie.

  It was lonely waiting on him, and I knew I could go anywhere I wanted with a portal chip, but the thought of missing him when he came home stopped me from going anywhere.

  I sighed, splashing water over my face in the bathroom. I studied myself in the mirror. I looked no different, really, but maybe there was a slight color to my cheeks that hadn’t been there before. I was eating, I was living, and I was smiling back at myself.

  It was time to tell Ryan. He would be mad, and he might not ever forgive me but he deserved the truth when he made me happy, if only for a short amount of time. It was more than I ever remember being.

  The moment I stepped out of the bathroom, I knew someone was in the house with me. Only it wasn’t Ryan or Fear. I whipped my head around to the bedroom doors.

  “Marybeth?” I asked, surprised to see the old witch here. She didn’t look like someone that could move very far from her chair. The bigger question was, why was she here? My guard came up and I stiffened. “What are you doing here?”

  “You haven’t given him the potion yet,” she said before lifting the vial up in her hands to show me.

  “Why is that any of your business?” I walked over to her, and snatched it from her hand, sliding it into my pocket.

  Something in her eyes changed. “So, you don’t plan to use it on him or yourself?” she asked with a slightly altered tone.

  I studied her. “Not that it’s any of your business.” Her being here only made my choice easier, the one I’ve been pondering on. “I don’t plan to use it.”

  She huffed, shaking her head in disappointment. “I should have known this would happen.” What was she going on about? “You think a monster can love, Molly?” she asked with a voice that made my skin shrivel.

  “Leave,” I said, turning away from her. “That isn’t any of your business.” I turned back and scowled. “If I want to fuck a monster, that’s my choice.”

  Her eyes hardened. “Foolish,” she muttered.

  “What?” I bit out.

  That cold, bitter smile of hers washed over me with unease. “You can’t be happy, Molly.”

  “Bye, Marybeth,” I said through gritted teeth.

  The moment she ported, I turned back around and headed for the kitchen. I pulled the vial out of my pocket and went to the sink. I was seconds from emptying the liquid down the drain when Ryan ported into the living room. I jerked my hand back and slid the vial back into my jeans as he scanned the room until his eyes landed on me. He was in Fear’s form, and suddenly I was worried.

  Blood coated his tail and his entire body was taut. For some reason, I feared his goodbye didn’t go too well.

  I pushed off the counter and went to him. “Ryan?” I asked softly.

  Then his tail was around my waist, and I was being slung against the wall. His weight pressed into me next as blood-red eyes bore into mine. I grabbed the tail and tugged at it. “Fear?” I waited for some sort of clue as to who I was dealing with.

  Heat spread through me when I felt his erection hot against my stomach. He grinded into me with purpose, and I reached for his shoulders, pulling him in. His eyes widened, almost if he was surprised by my reaction. This is Fear, I figured out.

  Even I was a bit wary of the way my body reacted to him in this form, but it was what it was. And I wasn’t going to fight it. I had questions that needed answers anyway. About him and Ryan.

  He laughed manically, releasing me and turning around, then coming right back a second later and forcing himself back against me. “I’m Fear,” he hissed like it pained him to admit it.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked immediately. “Why are you so…” I couldn’t think of the right word.

  “He’s gone.”

  I blinked, heart stopping. “What?”

  “He ran,” he said, letting go of me again. He brought his hands up to his face and paced back and forth. “He fucking gave in.”

  I squinted, brows dipping in the middle with worry. “Did something happen when he met his sister?”

  “Not really,” he answered. “But in his mind, it was. He completely overlooked the fact that his sister loved him, she did.” He bobbed his head up and down almost like he was determined to believe it. “She just got startled when she saw the red eyes… she didn’t want to see them. That was it.”

  My heart broke for Ryan. I told him to go see her. I hadn’t imagined it would end this way.

  “It’s not just that,” he said, moving toward me again.

  I was still leaning against the wall. I swallowed slowly. “Spit it out, Fear,” I growled, knowing he had something to pin on me.

  “It’s you,” he replied, smacking his palms against the wall beside each of my ears. “The unraveling began the moment I brought you here.”

  I raked my teeth over my bottom lip. “The blame game,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  “It’s our thing,” I whispered. “We blame everyone but ourselves for our problems… You and me.”

  “I don’t know what you’re fucking talking about,” he lied. The monster lied.

  “Yeah, you do.” He flinched when I brought my hand to his chest. Fear’s heart hammered furiously underneath my fingertips. “We’re selfish, too.” He watched me with knowing eyes. “We’re villains, Fear.”

  “I never said I wasn’t.”

  “A monster and a dead girl turned immortal.” I sighed. “How unlucky for Ryan to cross our paths.” I paused and slid my hand down his shirt. “Can’t you make him come out?”

  He dropped his head. “No. This has never happened before. It’s almost like… he’s out of my control.”

  “We should bring him out.” I tugged at Fear’s shirt.

  His eyes reddened even more. “How do we do that?”

  “We’ve played a lot of games in the past—”

  “It was Marcus,” he interrupted.

  I nodded. “I know, but you were there through it all?” He nodded and I went on, “We’re good at being selfish, good at playing the blame game. Let’s play a new one.” He cocked a brow. “Let this one be the truth.”

  “Truth?” he asked warily.

  “Why did you choose to merge with Ryan?”

  He snorted. “He was easy prey.”

  I clucked my tongue. “Lie.” He averted his eyes, and I gripped his face so hard it surprised him. “Are you obsessed with me, Fear?” I asked another. I stared into his eyes for the longest time. “Answer them both. Honestly.”

  “I think I finally succeeded in breaking him.” He avoided the questions, but his words alone were enough admittance to what I suspected.

  “You haven’t,” I promised. “You wanted to know what it was like, didn’t you?” His eyes widened. He hadn’t even realized himself what I already figured out. “You became him for his goodness because you wanted to taste it.” He shook his head, and I continued to unravel him the way he accused me of doing. “And when you had a taste of his goodness, it was too much so you blocked it out, kept him separated from your own emotions because you were afraid of what would become of you.”

  “That’s not true,” he mumbled. He sounded of defeat and denial to my ears.

  “But, it’s finally blurring, those lines you put between you and him. But now, you’re scared again, only this time it’s not because of his good. No... what you’re afraid of this time is not being him anymore.”

  He tried to push away from me, but I held on to him, firmly and endlessly
.

  “It’s okay,” I said quickly. “I’ll tell you a truth that’s both yours and mine.” He waited patiently for me to go on. “I’m greedy for that goodness, too. In fact, I want to keep him by my side so that I can bathe in it, taste it, devour it. I don’t want anyone else to have it.” I let go of his face and dropped my hands to his shoulders. “We’re not good, Fear. We are very, very bad.” His tail wound itself around my right leg. I trailed my fingers down his arms, heat igniting through me. “He deserves better, but he got stuck with you, and now me.”

  “What do we do now?”

  I grabbed a hold of one of his hands and placed it over one of my small breasts, the ones he teased me for, but now I knew he was ravenous for every part of me. “First, you let him in.”

  “Not gonna work,” he growled, bruising his hand against my breast.

  I laughed. “Shame on him,” I whispered, “for making me love him.”

  He stilled. “You love him,” he gasped.

  “You never answered my two questions,” I changed the subject. “I already know the truth, so don’t dare lie to me. Not if you want to keep your claws on me.”

  He hung his head between us. “You’re right, it’s always been about being more than what I am,” he acknowledged. “And, you, Molly, you were the very reason I was controlled by someone as weak as Marcus.”

  I frowned. “How is that?”

  “Because keeping you around kept me obedient. All he had to do was threaten to destroy your soul, and I’d listen,” he admitted, and my whole body responded with a slow burn that erupted from my core. “You have been my obsession for the longest time.” He lifted his head and stared at me with such intensity that it hurt. “Not that you’d want the attention of a murderous entity like me, but you don’t have a choice, and neither did I when it came to wanting you.”

  I pushed myself off of the wall, easing myself closer to him. He stood rigid mere inches away, my breast still in his claws. I swore I could hear his heart pounding. I dragged my hand down to his erection and gripped it firmly. He sucked in a breath, but I wanted him weak in the knees. Ryan would soon realize the fun he was missing out on, and come back to us.

  “Who knew you’d be the easiest one to control,” I said with a smile, and he had a passion-driven expression as his tail shot up and gripped my neck. My gaze fell on the dried blood.

  A moment of panic crossed his face as his tail retreated. I snatched it before it could. His expression hardened then fell again. “I should wash up, then…” he trailed off.

  Ryan truly weaved a part of himself into Fear. He might not have realized it quite yet, but this monster wasn’t just a monster anymore.

  “Why do you want to wash up? Shouldn’t you want it filthy?” I studied him. “Have you forgotten how many times I’ve seen just exactly what it is you enjoy doing to women?” I squeezed my legs together, rubbing them against one another to increase the pleasure building. I gripped his erection through his jeans again.

  His nostrils flared. “You don’t want me being gentle, Molly?” I was even more turned on with the change in his tone. “You want me to fuck you like the monster I am? You’re dirty,” he told me. I felt a shift between us and knew I was no longer in control. “Thank fuck. I can do dirty, I can do pain, too. Let me take your lust and drown you in it.”

  Oh, damn. I should be ashamed how my body was reacting to him.

  He grabbed my arm and turned us. “Come on, you can wash my tail before I shove it in your pussy.”

  I released his tail in my grip when I remembered the vial in my pocket. I dropped it into the trashcan as we walked by it, feeling better now that it was out of my hands.

  He led me into the bathroom where he shoved me in front of the tub. He didn’t ask anything, he just started yanking off my clothes. First my shirt, then he destroyed the zipper on my pants before forcing them down my legs, taking my black panties with them. He pressed his nose into my clit and inhaled. I grabbed his horns just to feel them then stopped immediately after. My need for him was already dripping down my leg.

  He stood, leaned over the tub, and turned on the faucet. He reached for my hand, placing me on my knees as his tail slipped underneath me and into the tub. He gave me a nudge, wanting me to lean over the tub. “Go ahead and soap it up,” he ordered me.

  I took a shaky breath, not out of fear, I was just so into this. I gripped his tail and moved it underneath the running water. I slid my hand up and down it at first before grabbing the soap and drizzling it all over. I sensed him moving closer behind me. I tilted my head back and saw that he was on his knees behind me. He pressed a part of his tail against my clit, and it caught me by surprise. I gasped, my head dropping into the tub. I stroked his tail harder, and it was a soapy mess. Between my legs, his tail rubbed across me torturously. Soon I was squirming and wiggling myself into it to ease the ache.

  His hands fell on my ass, and he spread me open. It only fueled my desire when I felt his breath against my opening. The dirty monster pressed his nose into me and breathed me in. “So dirty… pressing your nose into my ass and smelling,” I admitted with a moan. “And it’s turning me on so much.”

  “Oh, believe me, I know. Your desire is filling up the entire house.” I shoved my ass into his face and his mouth opened and started greedily sucking at my arousal. I moaned and stroked his tail faster as the back of his tail and mouth worked magic on me.

  “I’m going to take your ass with my tail,” he promised with hot breaths that made me whimper. “But that will wait until Ryan’s inside you too.” My orgasm came hard and fast, sending white beneath my eyelids as I cried out. His words sent me over the edge far too quickly.

  He jerked his tail out of my lazy grip and ran it under the water to wash the soap off before turning me around. He got off his knees and stood over me. My eyes landed on his erection trapped in his jeans. I smiled and helped myself to him. His eyes were on me hungrily, but there was something else. Something that was more than obsession. He gave an appreciative moan once his erection sprang free, bobbing for my attention and lips.

  I ran my hand underneath him and met his eyes. “I’ve decided,” I told him.

  He arched a brow with a pleased smirk. “What have you decided, Molly?”

  “That I’m going to keep Ryan.” He was silent, and I quickly added, “And I’m going to keep you too.”

  Dropping my gaze, I leaned forward and took him into my mouth. He moaned. “Molly.” Never had my name sounded so cherished coming from someone’s lips until that moment. I knew it wasn’t because of the pleasure I was giving him. It was for the words. The acceptance of wanting to be with him like I have been with Ryan. Living day after day doing whatever the hell we wanted.

  I popped him out of my mouth and said, “Let him in.”

  I took him back into my mouth as far as I could until I was gagging then I pulled back and did it all over again. I cupped his balls and his tail slid down my body and slipped inside, stretching me in one painfully, exquisite thrust. My moan was muffled as I sucked him hard. His tail was brutal as it ravished me until I had no choice but to accept the hard orgasm as it tore through me. He grabbed the back of my head and forced himself to the back of my throat. That alone sent another orgasm crashing through me. I felt him swell on my lips, and against my aching jaw. “Look at me, Blue.”

  I did. Ryan was back. Tears slid down my cheeks, I was so relieved and drunk off pleasure and Fear and him. “Fuck, I’m coming,” he groaned, succumbing to the pleasure I was giving as he kept himself lodged in my mouth and shot the back of my throat. I could hardly breathe or swallow until he pulled out. I sucked in a breath and he lifted my chin. “Swallow.” I was swallowing, but he left me with no other choice to begin with. Not that I minded.

  I closed my aching mouth and gave a smile free of everything but what I felt for them. “Do you want to talk about why you gave up your control after all this time fighting Fear for it?”

  Rubbing his finger acr
oss my chin, he shifted out of Fear’s form. His smile, like mine, was free. Or maybe it was just what I wanted to believe. Because something about the way he was smiling at me had my heart beating beautifully.

  He shook his head slowly. “Momentarily insanity. I’m back to normal now,” he told me, and I was relieved. “All I wanna do right now is make love to you.”

  Make love?

  He bent over. “Come here.” He scooped me up in my arms, and I fell silent, not use to the nervous feeling in my stomach. No one’s made love to me before. And all I was hoping for was for him to forgive me when I told him and for him let me stay by his side.

  He only had to say those words and now I was wishing for my love to be returned.

  Foolishly, I now wanted his heart too.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ryan

  That flowery shit Fear and I normally detested rolled off Molly in waves like a smooth caress, calling to me in a way that had me answering. It smelled of all the sweets things in this world and tasted like cotton candy, sugary and too sweet, but I wanted all of hers.

  I didn’t even care what it meant that she felt. If I was honest, I was all too eager to accept hers. I drank her in as I carried her to my bedroom, pressing my nose into her neck and loving the way she never refused me and the way she showed affection in the strangest ways.

  A little lost and a lot of confusion, pain, and hurt messed with me. I let my own darkened thoughts finally get to me. I hadn’t expected Fear and Molly dragging me back out of that darkness, tempting me with carnal passions. Like I could stay put when she was giving Fear her body to take. What was even crazier was how easily he had given up this moment alone with her and slipped into the recesses of my mind to experience it through me.

  I wasn’t a good guy but I wasn’t bad all the time either. I could accept that if someone like Molly could still want a guy that was also a monster. She seemed to want both and that was how I knew this could work. Whatever this was, it didn’t have to end.